Preliminary findings and crazy dreams

Saw the orthopedic surgeon yesterday. He feels I have stretched or torn my ACL, MCL, and medial meniscus (go look 'em up, it's kind of neat how a knee works on a non-clumsy person). I will be going in for an MRI on Monday to determine if it's a tear or a stretch. A tear means surgery. Bleh. The Dr. thinks it's a tear. Bleh bleh. In any event, it will be next Wednesday before I have the final news. He also said that I don't have to use the crutches AND wear the brace, but I have to use at least one of them. For some insane reason, he thinks I could fall and hurt myself. I have no idea where he would get such an idea! The knee still really hurts - especially if I move around too much. Luckily I have VERY nice bosses and they are cool with me working half-days in the office along with working from home. Hopefully I won't have to burn up too much of my leave. This is really going to be a horrible process. But like I said originally, it could be have been WAY worse. We have this huge glass and metal desk near the bottom of those steps - I could have bashed my fool head on that thing. Brr.

I have finally quit taking the Chantix. (And really, who needs Chantix or smokes when you have Vicodin??? hahahaha) I had kind of hoped that my crazy dreams were all done. This is not the case. I have been having horrible dreams where the fall happens again and again. It's very vivid and scary. I think I might have a touch of PTSD. I wake up waving my arms like I'm trying to keep myself balanced. I also keep hearing my own screams in my head. I honestly do not think I've ever screamed like I did when I finally hit the floor.

Wow this post seems like kind of a downer. I really don't feel too down, despite the circumstances. (Two other things happened since my fall - one REALLY horrible, and one bad like mine - but they are things that are VERY personal to other people so I don't feel it's appropriate for me to write about. Let's just say I hope this is the end of the bad luck for a while.) It's going to be a long haul, but I feel fairly upbeat. Honestly, I think the quit has helped. Now I can tell myself, "If I can quit smoking, I can SURELY do this!!" It's kind of a nice pick-me-up.