My arms hurt. By the time all this is over I'm going to have two buffed out arms, one really strong leg, and one shriveled up pale and wimpy leg.
Went to my family doctor today who basically took one look and said, "Orthopedic surgeon." This is an unhappy phrase. *sigh* I have an appointment with that guy on Wednesday. Looks like surgery and PT are in my future. Let's all pray for a LATE first snow in South Dakota this year, ok? Like.....March.
I've decided that you can all help me out. "I tripped over my own clumsy ass and flapped my useless arms down the steps" makes me sound like a drunk hippo. So let's come up with something better. My doctor recommended something having to do with dancing with those Chippendales guys, but that's not really my style. I'm thinking heroic. I think "tackled a mugger who just snatched an elderly lady's purse" sounds pretty good. I did consider "rescued a kitten from a tree" but that's what the fire department is for. So try to come up for some explanation for this injury that does not have an insult component to it.
10.29.2007
I HATE CRUTCHES
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Well, here’s the best I could do…
The government approach: “I was on a break from getting ready to make a preliminary feasibility study about the least environmentally damaging of the possible methods of inspecting the structural supports of the stairs when they collapsed.”
The victim approach: “Someone should have inspected those terribly hazardous stairs, and someone should have put up a ‘stairs are dangerous’ sign, and something really should be done about the laws of physics—my flapping arms should have had much more ‘lift’ effect. I’m filing a class action suit to get the government to address these issues. You’ll be hearing from my lawyers.”
The psychiatrically challenged approach: “I was lonely, and every time the paramedics come they keep me company for a little while.”
The abashed hero approach: “It was nothing, really. I had to leap down the stairs to break the fall of small blind child who had missed the last step. I had not a moment to lose, but as I leapt I saw that another living being was in the way. If I’d tried to break my own plunge to the landing, I would have injured that helpless little kitten on the third stair. I just couldn’t choose my own safety over that of a poor, innocent, defenseless creature.”
(Oops. These were supposed to make you look better, weren't they? Sorry that only one of these has any hint of heroism. Maybe someone else will come up with more useful options. :-))
Ha. I like the victim one. But we have to completely remove stairs from the equation. Even superheroes look stupid falling down the steps.
It's too late for my mind to muster creativity, but ouch. Again.
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