Painful Admission

*takes a deep breath*

I hate kids. LOL. No - I don't HATE them....I just don't really LIKE them all that much. I love and like and am crazy about my OWN kids. It's YOUR kids I don't like. One of the hardest things about being a parent for me is having to deal with other kids. I really just wish that my kids could be nasty anti-social little critters like me and just....I dunno....hang out with me all day. But that's probably some kind of abusive treatment. So I slap a big fake smile on my face and welcome the neighborhood rugrats into my home. Ugh.

Dylan made this really hard for me as he has always been really friendly and social. Where did I go wrong with him??? Also, we always had the "cool" stuff at our house - TV's, video games, snacks, a mom who would play video games and cuss from time to time, etc. So the kids wanted to BE at our house. *shudder* Troops of kids in and out of my house. I'd rather have an infestation of army ants. (This all changes when they become teenagers - someone else's mom/house/stuff is always cooler and I never see him - karma got me I guess.)

I had high hopes for Noah. He's always been very timid and shy and only REALLY wanted to be with his Dad, his Mom, and his brother - in that order. Success!!! He'll just live with us alone forever. Sure he'll be a little weird - into D&D, or a big Trekkie freak, or a hacker or something. But at least he could do those activities ALONE - or at least online. I was all ready to get him his own tablet PC and Yahoo account. But he has betrayed me. He's going to insist on being normal and mentally healthy. Dratted kid.

We're having a play date today. I hate that phrase - play date. It sounds.....lame. I'm sure this kid coming over is a sweet little boy. I'm sure Noah will have a great time as he cautiously steps out into the world of friends and social development. (TRAITOR) I'm sure this is only just the beginning of another round of other people's sweaty little monsters eating my food and making messes on my rug. Great.

And I suppose I should be really happy. There are kids with developmental challenges that have a terrible time with social skills and their parents would kill to have something like the occasional play date. I'm not trying to offend anyone. I know this a character defect. Dealing with other people's kids is just something that's not natural or comfortable for me. I admire the HECK out of people who are good with kids. Being something like a Kindergarten teacher is just astounding to me. I have a good friend who worked with developmentally challenged children for a time and my admiration for what she did knows no bounds.

So we will have Noah's friend over today and make him welcome and hope he has a really good time. I'll wave tearfully as my littlest boy and last baby finally starts to take the brave steps out into a bigger world. This is where you begin to lose them. This is where they begin to realize that there is a whole big exciting world beyond the walls of their home and they can't WAIT to get out there and explore every inch of it. Mostly, I'm glad that Noah is following in the steps of his big brother by making friends and pulling away from us. But there will always be a part of me that weeps for my little babies - my little bundles to cuddle and love and who never wanted anything more than to be by my side and in my arms. The time we get to do that is heartbreakingly short.