This morning I held a cigarette in my hand, along with a lighter and an ashtray. I wanted so badly to smoke that cigarette. It just smelled absolutely divine. Imagine the smell of your absolute, number one, all time favorite meal just about to be served. That's how it smelled. I just wanted to let that sweet smoke clear all the bad crap out my mind and just relax. Just relax. Relax. That's all. No big deal.
I wound up peeling all the paper off the cigarette and just letting it shred up. I don't really feel all that great or brave about doing it either. Bleh.
10.20.2007
Almost got me
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That is so amazing. I just posted on my blog that I went to the theatre and thought that cigarette smoke smells *delicious*. It's like we're on the same wavelength, Tasina!!!
(When I said, "Oh, my gah, that smells so good," my husband said, "You always said you hated the taste of cigarettes." So I had to agree with him, and then demur, "yeah, but now that I've quit, it smells like *candy*...."
It doesn't make any sense. You just have to get through it the only way you can. It smells delish when it's someone else. But it smells like *butt* if it's on yourself. Right???)
Fingers crossed,
Bay
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