Epic Fail

If you ever want a really good laugh, head on over to Fail Blog. They've got some really funny stuff on there.

In other fail news, I've been chain-smoking for about 72 hours straight. My throat feels like it's made of ground glass....and lava. I'm not going to go into what's making me do this...mostly because it's waaaaaaaaaay too long to type out. haha But I do have a plan.

I think I have one refill left on my original Chantix prescription. I need to call Walgreens and check. If not, I'll call my doctor on Monday and get another prescription. I do not want to be a smoker again.

I hate this.

Mr. Roboto

I don't know if this is the coolest thing I've ever seen or potentially the most terrifying!! You tell me.

Genetics

Dear DNA,

Did you forget that a large part of our make-up is Native American? I know this puts us at all sorts of risks for terrible things like diabetes and other fun diseases. But there's supposed to be some give and take. I'll look out for the diabetes thing and you allow me to get a decent tan. What's that you say? Irish genes? Well, yeah....we have some. What??? That's no fair!!! Why do I get the Native American propensity to get diabetes (gestational only so far) AND the Irish trait of frying like an egg in the sun???? What a rip-off.

No wonder I almost flunked science. I guess I'll go buy some sunscreen.

A very disgruntled and in a lot of pain,

Me

***WARNING - WARNING - WARNING***

DO NOT SCROLL DOWN

IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH

GRAPHIC PICTURES TO FOLLOW

Ok, your fault. I warned you.

Exactly 6 months ago tomorrow, I took my little tumble down the stairs. That was a lot of fun. I wound up tearing my anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) completely in half as well as damaging some cartilage (meniscus). I do not recommend this. About a month after the fall, I had reconstructive surgery on my knee. The surgeon harvested from my hamstring and created a new ACL for me. This sounds super gross, but the other alternative is to harvest from a cadaver. Yup. CADAVER. NOOOOOOOO thank you. No cadaver parts for me. Uh huh. No way.

So anyway, my orthopedic surgeon - who was cool as all hell and cute as all hell for that matter - took some pictures from the inside of my knee. I don't know if he just really likes to give you all the information, really likes his job, really likes photography, or is really completely insane. In any event, while I did consider using the following pictures as our Christmas cards for the year, I managed to restrain myself. Honestly the pictures don't look like much of anything if you didn't know what they were. I think they kind of look like something you'd see at the bottom of the ocean. So if you've stayed with me thus far, here you go. The first is the torn ACL, the second is the torn meniscus, and the third is the graft. No fair giving me comments about how you had an involuntary personal protein spill after viewing these - you were warned. :)

Call the fashion police

I have recovered from my TT burnout and am back with the all humiliation list. Here are 13 life and fashion "Dos and Don'ts" from my life in the 70's and 80's. Feel free to actually LOL. (But hey...in my defense...it was the 70's and 80's!)

1. Don't let anyone take nudie shots. They'll wind up on the internet forever.
2. Do be a natural redhead for at least a couple of years. I'd love to have this color back. *note to self - call salon tomorrow*
3. Don't ever mix brown and purple. I look like a small gay boy....not that there's anything wrong with that.
4. Don't bite your nails. Someday you'll be 35 years old and still putting that bitter tasting stuff on your nails to break this habit.
5. Do be a wild girl. I look like a feral child raised by wolves. And who lets a little kid stand next to a dog this big??
6. Do fear the Claus. The whole thing still kind of freaks me out. And also DON'T wear a jumper or overalls. Ever.
7. Don't dress like a freaky fundamentalist child bride. I have no explanation for this outfit. I hope I was in a school play or it was some sort of weird history day at school.
8. Do be a cowgirl. It's South Dakota. They make you ride horses. Although I don't think Polo shirts and silly haircuts are part of that package.
9. Don't be a cheerleader...except in an ironic way. Oh my good grief. Rah rah rah. This might be the worst of the lot. That's me (the world's most cynical, least peppy, had not a whit of school spirit cheerleader ever) in the center.
10. Do get tatted up. My first ink.
11. Don't be a horrible judge of character. The worst thing about this picture is not the stupid jeans with the deliberate rip. It's not the unbelievably unflattering tied shirt. It's also not the absolutly insane looking bangs. It's the fact that the guy with his arm around me is now incarcerated for a very bad thing. *shudder*
12. Do embrace your silly decade. Where to begin? The Cosby sweater....the acid washed jeans....the 'extra from a bad Poison video' messy giant hair....the studied look of teenaged boredom....what a goofball! But enough of that guy on the left - I look great! ;)
13. Don't forget which day is picture day....and retakes day. My giant hair cannot even be contained in the outline of the shot. That's too funny. I think the Aqua-Net company ought to be paying me a dividend for keeping them in business.
14. Bonus #14 - Do have the ability to look back and laugh. Okay a new decade didn't help me at all. I love big hair. End of story.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

New food

I made a new recipe the other day. I think this one is a keeper. Below is the original recipe from All Recipes with my changes in italics.

Slow Cooker Chicken Tortilla Soup

Ingredients

• 1 pound shredded, cooked chicken - I just put the chicken in raw and shredded it up before serving. I may brown it next time if I have time for that, but it was fine this way.
  
• 1 (15 ounce) can whole peeled tomoatoes, mashed
• 1 (10 ounce) can enchilada sauce - We used medium heat enchilada sauce. I might use something hotter next time. The dish needs more heat.
  
• 1 medium onion, chopped - I used 5 chopped green onions.
  
• 1 (4 ounce) can chopped green chile peppers
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 2 cups water - I used another can of chicken broth rather than more water.
  
• 1 (14.5 ounce) can chicken broth
• 1 teaspoon cumin
• 1 teaspoon chili powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper - Didn't measure this...just added pepper until it felt right!
  
• 1 bay leaf
• 1 (10 ounce) package frozen corn
• 1 can of black beans - I added this to the mix.
  
• 1 tablespoon chopped cilantro - I'm not wild about cilantro so I skipped this one
  
• 7 corn tortillas - Rather than do steps 2-4 below, I just bought tortilla chips. I think I would have preferred those Fritos scoops.
  
• vegetable oil

Directions

1. Place chicken, tomatoes, enchilada sauce, onion, green chiles, and garlic into a slow cooker. Pour in water and chicken broth, and season with cumin, chili powder, salt, pepper, and bay leaf. Stir in corn and cilantro. Cover, and cook on Low setting for 6 to 8 hours or on High setting for 3 to 4 hours. I put this together in the morning before work and it was ready by the time we got home. I skipped the next 3 steps.
   
2. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C).
3. Lightly brush both sides of tortillas with oil. Cut tortillas into strips, then spread on a baking sheet.
4. Bake in preheated oven until crisp, about 10 to 15 minutes. To serve, sprinkle tortilla strips over soup.

As I said above, I skipped the tortilla part of this. All of us really liked this dish. It was super easy to make and very tasty. The consistency is almost like a salsa so scooping it up with the tortilla chips was very easy. I suppose more or less liquid could be added to adjust to the consistency you like. The only thing I would do next time is turn the heat up a little bit. My husband isn't wild about super hot food and even he said it needed more kick. I don't know exactly how I will do this - maybe hotter enchilada sauce, maybe some jalepenos, maybe some cayenne pepper. There are lots of variations that can be done with this recipe. Enjoy!!

Eavesdropping

Things I overheard while waiting for my Mother's Day dinner:

1. "You're dropping peas everywhere."
2. "Just cut the string off with a kitchen scissors so no one chokes on it."
3. "What kind of meat is this?"
4. "You haven't even tried it so you can't say you don't like it."
5. "Get that plate off your head."
6. "What's that smell?"
7. "Ok, tell her it's ready."

They did a great job - it was delicious.

Wasting Time 101

If you are experiencing a slow and rainy Saturday afternoon, here is a tip on how to get through the day. Please be prepared to laugh yourself silly.

1. Go to YouTube
2. Type the phrase "misheard lyrics" into the search box
3. Find a song you know
4. Play it and giggle

Here's one that cracked me up:

I'm too lazy to think...

...so I hit shuffle on my MP3 player and that's my list for the week. Feel free to berate me for being lazy and somewhat unoriginal. I can take it.

1. "Un-Break My Heart" - Toni Braxton
2. "Down on The Corner" - Creedence Clearwater Revival
3. "Ballroom Blitz" - Krokus
4. "(You Want To) Make A Memory" - Bon Jovi
5. "Truckin'" - The Grateful Dead
6. "Time Makes Two" - Robert Cray
7. "Suicide Blonde" - INXS
8. "Pretty In Pink" - The Psychedelic Furs
9. "S.E.X." - Adam Ant
10. "Fly Me to the Moon" - Frank Sinatra
11. "Hey Mama" - The Black Eyed Peas
12. "Bitch" - Meredith Brooks
13. "The Boxer" - Simon & Garfunkle

If you are thinking that I am suffering from multiple personality disorder, I understand completely - this is an insane list.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

My first office

I don't write about work much. I don't want to be unprofessional or tacky. I'm also really lucky because I really like where I work and all the people there. I think I did mention once how amazing everyone was back when I hurt my knee last fall. Anyway, I recently received a promotion and raise. I'm so excited about starting this new chapter. Earlier today I went and moved all my stuff from my old cubicle into my new office. A real office with real walls and a real door!! Woohoo! Ok - I'm a giant nerd. I feel like such a grown up. *she said as she did a funky little no-rhythm dance around the room*

GraphJam

This site is hilarious. GraphJam.



see more song memes


see more song memes


see more song memes

The state I'm in

Here are 13 things I love and hate about South Dakota.

1. LOVE. No traffic.
2. HATE. The number of Barnes & Noble stores in SD. (#2 is a teeny tiny B. Dalton in a teeny tiny pseudo mall. Does not count.)
3. LOVE. Wide open spaces.
4. HATE. Drunk drivers. WASHINGTON - The upper Midwest has the worst drunken driving rates in the country, according to a government report that says 15 percent of adult drivers nationally report driving under the influence of alcohol in the previous year. Wisconsin leads the way. The federal government estimates more than a quarter of the state's adult drivers had driven under the influence. Rounding out the worst five are North Dakota, Minnesota, Nebraska and South Dakota.
5. LOVE. Low Crime
   2005 Crime Rate for South Dakota

   The crime rate in South Dakota is about 48% lower than the national average rate. Property crimes account for around 91% of the crime rate in South Dakota which is 47% lower than the national rate. The remaining 4.7% are violent crimes and are about 56% lower than other states. The following graph shows how South Dakota compared to the rest of the states.

   State Crime Rates (Per 100,000 People)

   (Place your mouse over a bar for details, or click on a bar to view that state's profile.)

   	South Dakota	National Avg.
   Crime Rates (2005)	1,952	3,751
   Violent Crimes	176	401
   Property Crimes	1,776	3,350

6. HATE. Unbelievably stupid weather. Note the 40 degree change in a few days.

   

7. LOVE. The Black Hills.

   

8. HATE. Low wages.

   All Occupations top
   			Wage Estimates
   Occupation Code	Occupation Title	Employment (1)	Median Hourly	Mean Hourly	Mean Annual (2)	Mean RSE (3)
   00-0000	All Occupations	381,230	$11.96	$14.65	$30,460	0.4 %

9. LOVE. Lots of opportunities.

   State unemployment, January 2008

   «click column headings to re-sort table»

   Rank ▲	State	Rate
   1	SOUTH DAKOTA	2.6
   2	WYOMING	2.7
   3	IDAHO	2.8
   4	NEBRASKA	2.9
   5	UTAH	3.0
   6	HAWAII	3.1
   6	NEW MEXICO	3.1
   8	NORTH DAKOTA	3.2
   8	MONTANA	3.2
   10	VIRGINIA	3.4

10. HATE. Pheasants.
    
11. LOVE. Not a lot of people.
    View population trends...

    	2007	2000	1990
    Population	796,214	754,844	696,004

    Source: U.S. Census Bureau, 2007 Population Estimates, Census 2000, 1990 Census
12. HATE. Not a lot of people.
    View population trends...

    	2007	2000	1990
    Population	796,214	754,844	696,004

    Source: U.S. Census Bureau, 2007 Population Estimates, Census 2000, 1990 Census
13. LOVE. Most of my family lives here.

1. 
   
   
   Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
   
   The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
   
   

A bit of bio

I recently shared this story with a close friend. I call it, "How I Spent My Summer Vacations, OR, What It Means To Me To Be Indian."

I went most of my young life never really giving any thought to being Indian. It didn't really mean anything to me. I knew my mom worked for the BIA and I knew that I was Indian, but it didn't really have any context. We would go to SD for visits and everyone was brown. No big deal. (As an aside, I remember being a little girl and learning about WWII and the Holocaust. I couldn't understand why people didn't like Jewish people. They were white (to my eyes). Didn't everyone like white people? Obviously I missed something there.)

This all really changed when we moved to Rapid City, SD in 1983. I very quickly learned that Indians were not viewed well by white people. My entire schooling in Rapid City - from 6th grade to 12th - I only went to school with maybe 6 black kids. And they were the coolest kids in the school. It was the Indian kids that were completely looked down on and treated like dirt. A cousin of mine once told me that her experience growing up in NYC was totally different - people thought it was exotic and interesting that she was Native. This was SO not true in this state.

I became ashamed of being Indian. All my friends and teachers and everyone I knew (outside of family) had horrible things to say about Indians. I didn't want to be associated with that group of people at all. I never told anyone that I was Indian. When people would ask about my name, I'd just tell them that it was a family name and I didn't know anything about it. I remember being grateful that I didn't "look" Indian like my mom and others in our family - this is not something easy to admit at all. I look now and see all the beautiful women in my family and would give anything for their gorgeous hair, eyes, and skin.

So that was kind of my life for a few years. I was a "white" kid. Looking white like I do has allowed me to hear some really terrible stuff over the years. No one talks smack about brown people in front of people who look obviously ethnic. But if you can "pass" then you get to hear alllll the dirt. It led to kind of a schizo existence. We would spend the school year in Rapid City and I had all these nice white, suburban friends. But then my summers would be spent at the River and I was a rez girl running around with her cousins and swimming every day.

All of this kind of came to a head my junior year of high school. I had this creative writing class with this total hippie teacher. She was one of those that had the whole class sit in a circle. We watched weird documentaries about Thalidomide babies so that we would have deep meaningful things to write about. She was kind of a nut really. I can't even remember her name beyond "Sue" because we weren't allowed to call her Mrs. Whatever. Weird.

One day we were all sitting in a circle and the teacher asked if any of us knew anything about the Wounded Knee massacre. I raised my hand and so did this other kid. I was kind of sitting off the the side of the teacher and so she didn't see me. She asked the other guy what he thought about it. And the dude just went off on this big long vitriolic rant against Indians. It was just unbelievable. I've hardly ever heard such hateful speech. It was like being in apartheid South Africa or the deep south. One thing he said was that Indians can commit almost any crime and get away with it.

I finally had enough and jumped in. At that point in time, my uncle was chairman of our tribe and he hired my mom to be a temporary public defender until he could get someone hired permanently. I asked him if he knew ANYTHING about how crimes are handled on a reservation. The difference between white on white crime or white on Indian or Indian on Indian or whatever. He countered with the fact that his dad was a dentist and was always having to fix the teeth of Indians who beat the crap out of each other. What a tool. I told him that maybe the inane attitudes that come from people like him and his dad contributed to that and I hope his dad was happy that his son's ignorance was drumming up more business for him. This thing went back and forth I don't know how long. And basically I just dismantled every stupid thing he had to say. I effectively reduced him publicly to an ignorant hateful bigot. He finally just got pissed off and said, "Why do you care about a bunch of filthy Indians anyway." So I answered him with, "Because I AM ONE you stupid ************." And then I left the classroom. An Asian girl got up and left too. The teacher later apologized (which I felt was unnecessary) and said that she would talk to him. I didn't really care about that. He was an idiot and I wasn't. End of story.

That day was the last of my shame about where I came from. It's not like I'm little miss Lakota trotting out my heritage at every given moment. But when I'm asked, I tell the truth. If I hear someone say something really ignorant about Indians or blacks or Jewish people or whatever, I pipe up. I'm just not going to stand for people spouting idiocy in my presence. Are there problems with Indian people? Absolutely. Lots of them. But I'm not going to listen to anyone speak from a position of ignorance. (This also includes not listening Native people start on their anti-white crap either.) I am also not going to hide who I am anymore. I don't "define" myself as Indian. It's PART of who I am. Just like part of who I am is Irish or female or short or whatever.

South Dakota is a different place now. I was worried about what Dylan would run into when we moved back here. But it seems like some of these problems have relaxed - especially with his generation. Certainly there are still a lot of bigots, but the overt, systemic racist crap has gone away to a large degree (I'm sure every relative I have would argue with me about that until the end of the world...but I think it's true. On the other hand, no one follows me around in stores to make sure I don't steal stuff. So what do I know?). I'm glad about that. It was a hard way to grow up and I'm glad he doesn't have to go through doubting himself and his background. Maybe my difficulties have made me a better, stronger person....or whatever. But no one wants their kids to experience difficulties if they can be avoided.

Art

Here are 13 paintings that I love.

1. Edward Hopper, Nighthawks
2. Diego Velazquez, The Waterseller of Seville (Please click on this for the larger version and look at the water on the side of the jug - amazing.)
3. Edward Hopper, Lighthouse at Two Lights
4. Johannes Vermeer, Woman Reading a Letter
5. Johannes Vermeer, The Guitar Player
6. Leonardo da Vinci, Female Head
7. Vincent Van Gogh, Almond Blossom
8. Vincent Van Gogh, Starry Night
9. Mary Cassat, Breakfast in Bed
10. Andrew Wyeth, Master Bedroom
11. Claude Monet, Water Lilies
12. Sandro Botticelli, Primavera
13. Ok I'm cheating. This is a sculpture. Michaelangelo, Pieta.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

What's the big deal?

This seems like perfectly reasonable behavior to me. If I didn't have opposable thumbs, I'd be doing the exact same thing. It's CAKE dude!!! CAKE!

It's all about the sauce

Here's the story. My mom first had this dish at Avanti's restaurant in Phoenix, Arizona. She absolutely loved it and would make people take her there whenever she could manage it. One day, much to my mom's joy, the recipe was printed in the Phoenix paper. She says she tried twice to make the dish (as written) and it just never turned out the same - even with the addition of some white wine.

Fast foward about 30 years to Christmas 2007. For some really long, complicated, and not too interesting reasons my mom just happened to have four key ingredients sitting around as surplus from all the Christmas food preparations - portobella mushrooms, walnuts, Parmesan, and cheese ravioli. She was trying to figure out what to make for dinner and remembered the recipe from Avanti's. She decided that third time is a charm and gave it a shot. Well hallelujah it's a Christmas miracle. This sauce ROCKS. It's brilliant on cheese ravioli with Italian sausage and I even made it to put on steaks - also phenomenal. This is the easiest thing to make in the world and it tastes amazing.

Sauce Portofino (Avanti's Restaurant - Phoenix, AZ)

1/4 lb butter
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 cup freshly grated imported Parmesan cheese (We've done 1/2 Parmesan and 1/2 Romano. The important thing is that you use really good quality cheese.)
1/4 lb fresh portobella (or cremini) mushrooms, sliced and sauteed until slightly soft (This is vital - the 2 times she tried to make it before, she used regular white button mushrooms and it was not the same. You must use portobellas or creminis.)
2 ounces walnuts, chopped
1/4 cup dry white wine
salt and freshly ground pepper to taste

Melt butter slowly in saute pan. Add cream, cheese, walntus and slightly softened mushrooms. Season. Stir until all the butter is melted and the cream and cheese have combined into a golden creamy mixture. Add wine and heat until warm enough to serve. (DO NOT BOIL).

Serve over cheese ravioli, your favorite pasta, steak, or anything to keep you from embarrassing yourself by just eating this straight out of the pan. :)

Joke

Q: Why did the sloth cross the road?



A: Who can remember anymore??!!?!

13 x 13

I think this is my 13th Thursday Thirteen. It's either that or I was typically lazy about my post labeling and this is just the 13th one that has a lable on it. Whatevs dude. 13 x 13 makes a cool post title so I'll justify it any way I can. A couple weeks ago I posted 13 possible TT topics. Yeah I'm not going to use any of those because they seem like too much work and it's late and I don't want to do it. Next week I'll do the favorite paintings - I just don't want to look them all up right now. Someone was recently telling me that they want to know more about me. So here are 13 random things about me - some of these you all have seen before, but some will be new.

1. I am terrified of storms - specifically, tornados. I'm sure this is all related to my control-freak tendencies, but I just hate storms. I deal with them just fine, but I will never ever like them.
2. I just got a promotion and a raise because I rock. ;)
3. I'm a cat person. I've had dogs, but I could go the rest of my life without having another one. A dog is too much work...it's like having a kid that never grows up. (Cringing at what my other self, Julie, is going to have to say about this one.) A cat is more like a plant that moves around. Although I kill plants. But I have managed to keep two cats alive for 10 years.
4. I am a complete pop culture junkie. I love it. I'll read trash magazines, watch I Love the Whatever Decade on VH1, read Perez Hilton, you name it. Not the loftiest of pursuits, I admit it. But is does make for some mildly amusing escapism.
5. I bite my nails. I have done since I was a tiny girl. I've used that bitter nail polish to quit any number of times, but I always go back to it. Years ago, back when I still smoked, it really offended this lady that I worked with. She said I could either smoke OR chew my nails, but not both. She said that was way too much oral fixation. So I tore the eraser off her pencil with my teeth.
   
6. I feel like I should be collecting something. Like it will make me a real grown up to have a collection of Hummels or dolphin figurines or stamps from around the world or cobalt glassware or something. But I don't do it. I guess I collect books and movies. I have about 1,000 books and two big binders full of movies. Does that count?
7. I think I'm kind of crappy driver. We can't all be good, right? It's not that I'm a BAD driver, but I'm a timid driver. I hate traveling on interstate highways. And people hate to be behind me because I drive slow. A semi passing me makes me want to cry. Again - control freak. I trust myself completely, it's all those other idiots that make me nervous. I really don't like to drive fast or ride in a car that's being driven fast. I have nowhere to be that is that dang important. I'm not transporting life saving organs, I'm not getting the message to the troops that the British are coming, and only one time in my life did I have a laboring pregnant woman in my car.
8. One time I had a laboring pregnant woman in my car. I blogged about this before I think. I was 16 and my 19 year old cousin was overdue. So the genius powers that be in our family decided that they would send her off with me on a road trip through barren, empty, western South Dakota to see a specialist. Why not? How perfect!! Who better than to handle a complication than 16 year old me??? We got about an hour and half down the road when it all went to hell. Little did we know that a first baby would take DAYS to come. I don't even like to think of the traffic laws I violated, chewed up, spit out, and left in my blazing wake. The whole way back she kept apologizing to me because she was just certain her water was going to break on my car seats. I believe I responded with, "Shut up!!! Just breathe or something. DON'T PUSH!!" or something equally wise and helpful. This was almost 19 years ago. Happy Bday Ash! (Thanks for waiting until we got to the hospital.)
   
9. I have issues with food textures. I love the flavor that mushrooms give to things and use them in tons of things that I make. But I have to mince them up and they have to be cooked. I would never ever bite into a fresh mushroom. I also can't stand raw tomatoes. I love tomato soup, tomatoes in soup, etc. But I will pick fresh tomato off my hamburger or taco or whatever. Carrots are the opposite. I really do not like the texture of cooked carrots, but I will eat raw carrots all day long. I know this is weird.
10. I can't sew at all. I'll make clumsy attempts at buttons, but they always look a little weird and even though I know deep down inside that I don't need to use the whole spool of thread, I just can't seem to stop myself. I tried to teach myself how to knit, but...ummm...no, that didn't work and I can't believe I didn't lose an eye.
11. I never wear any jewelry and don't know the first thing about accessorizing. I completely admire women who can do this, but I am not one of them. Most of my clothes are black or other dark solid colors so they all kind of match and are maybe vaguely slimming (so I've heard). I'm sure there are all sorts of other things I would look really cute in, but I don't even know where to begin with it. And mostly, I'm ok with this. At the very least, I look presentable if not fashionable.
    
12. I really hate cartoons. I blame this solely on Dylan and Disney. They kept churning out those movies and he kept watching them obsessively over and over and over and over again. Sure I've seen some cute or funny or witty things. Charlie the Unicorn comes to mind. But if I never see another animated thing again in my entire life, I will be completely ok with that.
    
13. I can wiggle my ears.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participant

Not for the queasy

What's going on my blogger friends? It seems like all of my blog friends have been dealing with really terrible instances of body fluids gone awry. Here is my contribution to the grossness.

I just got done cleaning up Noah. He managed to cover himself in poo. I'm on the phone with my friend Kathleen and I hear from the bathroom: "Mommy, I need you." I go in there and he's got poo all over his hands, poo all over the toilet seat, the rug, the entire back of his butt and legs. And somehow, I can't even BEGIN to imagine how this happened - he's got a marble size piece of poo sitting on his right shoulder. I say to Kathy, "Oh my god he's covered in s&^! I have to go." I can hear her cracking up as I close the phone. I manage to get him undressed (covering ME in poo in the process) and put him in the tub. Dear Jesus God. I'm spraying him off and washing him and oh wow it just stinks so bad. I finally get him cleaned off and out of the tub (of course we're having to avoid the poo-bombed rug during this process).

I finally sat him down and looked at him and said, "Please explain to me what happened."
(What happened to your MANNERS kid???!!!)

This is what I get, "I was just trying to wipe my butt."

LOL LOL LOL

If trying to wipe your butt results in you having a piece of poo sitting on your shoulder....dude....your doin' it wrong.

And the complete icing on the cake is just as I get done with this literal s&^!storm....Jeff walks in the door.

He obviously doesn't get it from me....

Adorable big-eyed kid walks up, "Mommy, may I please go use the potty?"

Mommy looks at alien child askance, "Uh...sure dude. But you don't have to ask mommy to use the potty."

Bratty kid gives mommy a look of utter disdain and pity, "Mo-om, I'm using my MANNERS!!"

Wretched, ill-mannered mommy shoots dirty look at snotty rat child as he heads towards bathroom while muttering expletives and "I'll show you manners" under her breath.

*sigh*

There goes my Mother of the Year nomination again. 17 straight years I've managed to miss out.